


lost in space

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-26
Updated: 2008-05-26
Packaged: 2019-02-05 12:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12794478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Prompt: Lost in space.





	lost in space

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

Sometimes Yamapi’s attention span is that of a two-year-old. Shige doesn’t know many two-year-olds, so he supposes he just doesn’t understand. Since Koyama has his nephew, he’s used to it. He talks loud and repeats himself often, which will normally get through to Yamapi, but when Shige tries he just gets frustrated and wants to kick something.

Yamapi’s priorities follow the same path, in that they pretty much revolve around attention and food. This is where Tegoshi and Massu come in, because even after all these years Yamapi is still Tegoshi’s admired senpai, while all Massu has to do is feed him. Shige tried that _once_ and he’ll never do it again, especially after Ryo made a comment that it looked like he was trying to get into Yamapi’s pants.

Shige doesn’t know what Ryo does that’s so special. From what he sees, Ryo will just get annoyed and raise his voice while Yamapi sits and blinks at him, which is the reaction Shige gets as well. The difference comes when Ryo gives up and ignores him, then Yamapi automatically does whatever Ryo had been harping at him to do. Of course when Shige tried that, Koyama asked if he was having one of those girly days and offered to come over with Titanic and a box of tissues.

“The film,” Shige says for the fifth time. “The film was not in the camera, so the pictures weren’t really taken.”

“So where’s the pictures?” Yamapi asks. “I’d like to see them. Those were some of my best poses.”

“All of Yamapi’s poses are good!” Tegoshi chirps from across the room.

“Tegoshi!” Shige calls. “Tell Yamapi there was no goddamn film in the camera.”

Tegoshi makes a face. “I will _not_ use those words, but okay.” He bounds over to Yamapi and looks up at him with a grin. “Ne, Yamapi. Shige forgot to put the film in the camera – silly silly Shige – so there’s no pictures! But that’s okay! We can go get some film and take some more, and they will be so much better because Yamapi will be trying his best. Right?”

Yamapi nods and glares at Shige like he ran over his dog or something. Yes, Shige forgot the film, but this was two weeks ago and everyone else in the group was over it by now. It was just for the pictures of Yamapi, anyway. None of them really cared what else was on Shige’s camera, especially since his aim sucks.

“We’re going back,” Yamapi says decidedly. “Me and Shige. To recreate the pictures.”

“Just the two of us?” Shige squeaks, more out of fear for being responsible for Yamapi than actually being alone with him.

“You took away my memories,” Yamapi says deadpan, staring at a spot directly to Shige’s left that Shige’s come to associate with Yamapi addressing him. “You’ll give them back.”

Four days later, Yamapi and Shige are back at the beach. Shige feels like a fangirl with the way he’s watching Yamapi through his camera, waiting for the right time to take a picture. Yamapi’s entertaining himself, playing in the ocean and the sand and calling out for Shige to look at things. Every time he did, however, Shige would take a picture of Yamapi’s face instead of whatever he was pointing at. Yamapi’s expression of pure excitement was something that didn’t get photographed often, if ever, and Shige thinks that it’s what Yamapi’s memories should be filled of.

The sun is low by the time Shige’s gone through his three rolls of film – after checking and double-checking and having Yamapi check and almost ruin a roll – and Yamapi runs back up the beach to Shige, his lips practically blue. “It’s cold! Do you think they would let us stay in the cabin again?”

Shige thinks that the cabin owner would hand over the place to Yamapi if he smiled at her the right way, but doesn’t feel the need to mention it. “You don’t want to drive back? It’s only a couple hours.”

Yamapi blinks, regaining the childlike persona that Shige’s gotten used to even if he doesn’t know how to handle it. “I want to smell the sea air for a little while longer. And watch the sun rise on the ocean in the morning. And play a little more before we leave. Please, Shige?”

“You don’t need my permission,” Shige mutters, hugging himself because it really is cold now that the sun’s gone down. “You drove us here.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to stay if Shige is going to be unhappy.” Yamapi frowns. “You’re already unhappy with me enough.”

“That’s not true,” Shige says, and he’s only half lying. “I only get upset when you don’t understand me.”

“I will try!” Yamapi cheers, pounding his fist in the air. “I will pay attention to Shige and listen to what you say and be a good friend if we can stay overnight, yeah?”

“Okay,” Shige agrees, smiling hopefully. “You should go talk to the cabin owner. She seemed to like you last time.”

Yamapi chuckles a little, because one of the things Shige likes about Yamapi is that he has no idea how damn hot he really is. He honestly doesn’t know why girls want to mob him in airports or care what he has to say about anything or write porn about him on the Internets. Yamapi doesn’t think he’s any sexier than the next guy, who can be anyone from Akanishi to Shige himself.

When they get settled in the familiar cabin, with the windows open to let the sea air and ocean noises breeze by throughout the night, they order in dinner and huddle under the heated table as they eat in comfortable silence. They don’t have too much to talk about, Shige figures. Unless they want to dish about the other members of NewS or something school-related, which doesn’t really seem appropriate topics when they’re supposed to be relaxing on this quasi-vacation together.

Yamapi finishes eating and looks at Shige expectantly. Shige’s taken aback because Yamapi’s actually making eye contact, and while it’s a little creepy it’s also kind of endearing because Yamapi’s eyes are soft and make Shige feel like he can say anything. Only he doesn’t have anything to say. It would figure that he’d finally have Yamapi’s full attention and not need anything from him.

“Shige?” Yamapi presses. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Nothing,” Shige decides. “I want to talk about nothing.”

Yamapi blinks. “I am trying to concentrate on what you’re saying, but I really don’t understand. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you so flaky?” Shige asks. “You’re a smart guy. It’s like you just go off in your own little world and it takes someone greater than me to drag you out of it.”

Yamapi doesn’t answer right away, only pulls the blanket up to his chin and rests his head on Shige’s shoulder. Shige doesn’t mind since it really is fucking cold and Yamapi’s warm. Tentatively he extends his arm around Yamapi’s back and Yamapi snuggles closer, sighing contently and closing his eyes. Shige can feel his heartbeat, his breathing pattern, and how cold his back is, and he’s about to suggest they pull out the futons and get ready for bed when Yamapi finally responds.

“I like it here,” he says slowly. “Most people dream of being rich and famous, and I am both of those and dream of being ordinary. It’s not that I hate my job – I love it, but sometimes I wish I could just be like this for a long time and not have to worry about making everyone happy all the time.”

Shige frowns. “Now I don’t understand. What does that have to do with being flaky?”

“It’s you,” Yamapi goes on. “You’re the most ordinary out of all of us, so I don’t have to work as hard around you. I don’t have to impress you or prove anything to you. It’s okay if I get lost in space for a little while because you don’t expect anything from me. The others, I have to guide. Even Ryo-chan. You can guide yourself.”

In a roundabout way, it’s the most flattering thing anyone’s ever said to Shige. On the other hand, it still doesn’t make any sense, and his face must say as much because Yamapi sighs and leans up, pointing to the window.

“It’s like I’m out at sea,” he tries to explain again. “I’m happy, I’m safe, I’m alone. But I keep having to come back to land if Kei-chan or Ryo-chan needs me. I am their leader. Tegoshi and Massu too. With you I can just stay out there because you don’t call for me.”

“Call?” Shige inquires.

“Do something to get my attention,” Yamapi elaborates. “Koyama talks to me like a child, and it’s annoying so I come back for him. Ryo-chan gets pissy, and I don’t like him to be pissy so I come back for him. Tegoshi and Massu entice me, but you haven’t needed me enough to do the same. All of your attempts were half-hearted and kind of pathetic.”

“Hey, wait a -”

“It’s okay,” Yamapi says. “You found your own way to call me.”

“Huh?” Shige’s so confused, and he wonders if this is what it’s like to be Yamapi.

Yamapi waves his hands around in a grand gesture, indicating the cabin and the sea. “You made my heart very warm today, so I came back for you.”

“I-I don’t need you for anything,” Shige says quickly, his face becoming warm. “I just wanted you to listen to me like you listened to the others, and it’s not really a big deal except when I’m trying to tell you something and-”

“I’m listening now,” Yamapi says, and he really is; his entire body is facing Shige, his eyes hanging on every word that comes out of his mouth. “Tell me.”

“I don’t have anything to say right now!” Shige exclaims. “You’re frustrating.”

Yamapi laughs, falling over to his side and stretching out on the floor. “Make something up.”

Shige considers this, wondering if he could even pull it off. “I want to be lost in space too. Or out to sea, or whatever metaphor explains it the best. Only I don’t think anyone would call me back.”

“I would,” Yamapi says, his voice now even and mirthless. “But I wouldn’t have to.”

“Why’s that?” Shige asks.

Yamapi grins. “Because I’d already be out there with you.” He tugs on Shige’s sleeve until the latter lays down next to him, and Yamapi turns his body to face Shige once again. “I don’t think you could turn your brain off long enough to do it, though.”

“Probably not,” Shige says sadly.

“You have to open your heart and your mind, welcoming whatever comes into them,” Yamapi instructs. “The less real it is, the better.”

Shige closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and tries to imagine himself far faraway. All he sees is himself lying on a cabin floor, though. He tries to imagine being a superstar or a successful lawyer, but it all comes back to being in this cabin with Yamapi and the cool ocean air.

“You’re right,” he says dejectedly. “I can’t turn my brain off.”

Shige hasn’t opened his eyes yet, so what happens next is very unexpected. Yamapi’s lips are pressed to his and he might have squeaked, but Yamapi’s hand is secure on his face and keeping him from doing something stupid like pulling away. Yamapi’s body curls around his and he tilts his head, welcoming the demanding tongue that’s flicking its way into his mouth and making a little noise in the back of his throat at the sensation.

“Where are you?” Yamapi asks suddenly, pulling away and staring Shige dead in the eyes.

“With you,” Shige says distractedly. “Wherever you are.”

Seemingly satisfied with that answer, Yamapi returns to kissing him, slowly rolling them over until Shige can settle comfortably on top of Yamapi. Shige doesn’t know what he’s doing, but Yamapi’s an excellent copilot and with his help, Shige can finally know what it feels like to leave this reality for a little while.


End file.
